I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
