my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
