Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
