i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
