so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
