If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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