dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
