glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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