I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize