I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
