I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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