i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
