how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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