do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
