im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
