When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
