Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
