How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
