remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
