At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
