I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
