i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize