i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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