Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Randomize
