Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
