every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
