when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
