i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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