That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
