nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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