Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize