I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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