We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
