I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
