Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
