I'm so fucking centered right now
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
