he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
