Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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