ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
