"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Your cock deserves a montage
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
