I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
