There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
