Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
