Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
