I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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