i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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