I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
