you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
