Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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