I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
