I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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