yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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