2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
