Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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