Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
