I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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