so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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