He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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