okay pat passed out under dana's car
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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