I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize