Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So much rum. So many feels.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
