Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just cropdusted the office
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
