Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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