I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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