I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
