Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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