I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
