so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
