At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
