She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
