just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
