I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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