I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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