Moan for me like Helen Keller
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
