I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
